This it the largest known compilation of challenging sexual
positions. It is great for a laugh, and
for a challenge. Check it out, you won’t
be disappointed.
The Dirt-tionary
This is the sacred website, it is
not to be changed in anyway. This website has circled the world 47 times, and
has been in circulation, unchanged since 1942. If you have something to add to
the list, please forward your ideas to the official Dirt-tionary
committee. If
you do not send this to 52 of your closest personal friends in the next 15
seconds, your dick will shrivel up, turn green, and fall off. This is not a
joke, it happened to Roger Sampson of Frankfort, Kentucky in 1987 and Nick Sawgood of Ladysmith, British Columbia in 1974. If you do
in fact manage to send this out to 52 (or more) of your closest personal
friends in under 15 seconds, you will receive 19 years of good luck. Tom
Vykstra of
P.S If there is grass on the field,
play ball; otherwise, flip her over and play in the mud.
The Dirt-tionary
1) 
-- When you're going at it doggy-style and
just as you're about to spill your load, you plunge a finger into her
poop-shoot and reach around to her upper lip, where you proceed to paint on
"The Dirty Sanchez."
2) The Wet Burrito -- Similar to the
Dirty Sanchez, only performed with your own ball sweat.
3) The Code of Silence -- Anytime you
fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used condom, gag her
with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a soul what just
happened between the two of you.
4) The Coyote -- When you wake up the
morning after sex with an absolute beast to find that she's sleeping on your
arm and rather than have to talk to her or, god forbid, touch her again, you
gnaw your own arm off and leave it there.
5) The Purple Mushroom -- When you're
receiving a little oral pleasure from a girl and just before you shoot your
load, you whip it out of her mouth and try to impale her cheek. The impression
it leaves resembles a purple mushroom.
6) The Divot -- A must for golfers!
When you've got your hand below the belt on some girl with a fair amount of
bush, you grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and rip
every last pube out of her.
7) The Bronco -- When you're taking a
girl doggy-style and just at the moment of climax you reach around, grab her
tits as tightly as you can, scream out another girl's name, and enjoy the
sensation as she tries to buck you off.
8) The Rodeo - This is variation of the
Bronco, where a bunch of your closest friends are hidden in a bedroom closet
prior to the sexual encounter. When the male involved in the feat yells out
RODEO, they all run out with a video camera and you try and see how long you
can stay on as she tries to get away.
9) The Pearl Necklace -- When you are
enjoying a fine blowjob or titty-fucking session and
you happen to leave a line of droplets resembling a string of pearls around her
neck.
10) The
11) The Stinky Pinky -- When you're
going at it from the back and you insert a pinky finger in along side your
member, reach around front, and plunge it so far into her nostril that it tilts
her head back.
12) The Gobstopper -- When you're
receiving a hand job and just as you're about to come, the girl decides to squeeze
your unit with all of her might and cap you off with her thumb.
13) The Stranger -- When the tedium of
your nightly jerk off becomes too much so you sit on your hand until it falls
asleep, giving the sensation of someone else doing it.
14) The Donkey Punch -- When you're
attacking a girl from the back and at the moment of climax you pull out, plunge
it into her cornhole, let out a mighty "Hee Haw!" and punch her in the back of the head. Note:
In order to fully enjoy the Donkey Punch, you must knock her out as this
results in a tightening of the asshole.
15) 
(a.k.a.
Cleveland Steamer, a.k.a The Hot Lunch) -- When
you're receiving a blowjob from a position where you're crouched over her face
on all fours and you drop a monster shit right onto her chest.
16) The Chili Dog -- A variation of
above where you proceed to titty-fuck her afterwards.
17) The 
- This occurs when you're fingering a girl and
decide to give her a surprise, so you insert a digit or two into her asshole.
18) The Beetle Clip -- You insert your
thumb into the snatch and forefinger into the poop-shoot and try your like hell
to make them touch each other.
19) The Six Pack -- When performing the
above and you attempt to carry the girl around (similar to the way you would a
six pack).
20) 
(a.k.a. Water
sports) -- Any shape or form of urinating on or in a girl.
21) The
22) Tossing Salad (a.k.a. Rim Job) -- A
common prison practice that could also be termed "eating asshole."
23) The Cave -- When you blow your load
into a girl's mouth and proceed to kick her teeth in, making her mouth look
like a cave.
24) The Bullwinkle -- When you're entering
your partner from the rear and you reach up front, wrench her nipples as hard
as you can, put your hands up to the sides of your head like antlers, and
wiggle your fingers and stick out your tongue while omitting a high pitched
turkey gobble.
25) Felching -- A homosexual activity in which
one fag fucks another and proceeds to suck his own spooge
out of his partner's asshole with a straw. Note: This one's not even popular in
prison.
26) The Dog in the Bathtub -- The name given
to attempting to drop your nuts into a girl's asshole. Aptly named, as it's
about the only thing harder than getting a dog into a bathtub. Also known as
Plum Bum.
27) The Dolphin -- When you're giving it
to a girl from behind and you pull out to stuff it in her butt when she turns
her head around and whimpers, "Uh Uh, Uh Uh," sounding exactly like a dolphin.
28) The V-Plow -- When you're muff
diving and in order to look up at the girl you drag your whole face through her
snatch, nose proudly leading the way, parting that nasty labia.
29) The Crimson Tide -- When you're
going down on some girl and, to your surprise, the lunar alignment dictates
that her monthly flow has just to begun.
30) The Free Willy -- When you've worked
up such a throbber that when some girl unzips your
pants to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon
style.
31) The Mudslide -- After convincing
some girl to give you a little ass munching action, you proceed to unleash a
massive flow of diarrhea and sit there and laugh as it runs down her face and
body.
32) The Fortune Cookie -- After you're
done banging some chick, you slip the condom off as you pull out, leaving it in
there for the next customer.
33) The
34) The Angry Dragon -- On the first round of the night, work up an extremely large load during a blowjob. Just before you're about to explode, grab the back of her head and ram your unit as far down her throat as possible, causing her to gag on your pint of fluid. The result? She spews it out of her nose, making her resemble an angry dragon
35) The Flying Camel -- A personal
favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your
knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself
up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much
like a camel in distress. Strictly a class move.
36) The Fishhook -- A variation of the
shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up
her anus.
37) The Ram -- Again, you're attacking
from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic
motion. The force of the wall against her head should allow for deeper
penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
38) The Fountain of You -- While sitting
on her face and having her eat your asshole, jerk off like a madman, build up
as much pressure as possible before releasing, and spew like a geyser all over
her neck, tits, and stomach (Better in her bed).
39) The Pink Glove -- This frequently
happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her
the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. This is referred to as
the pink glove.
40) The Pile Driver -- You're both
munching away "bush and tree style" (standing 69) you blow your load
and can't hold her up anymore so you drop to your knees and bash her head into
the ground.
41) The Fish Eye -- Fucking her from
behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison)
whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell is
going on back there.
42) The Fur Ball -- You're chomping away
at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your
throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
43) 
-- When she
takes your whole scrotum into her mouth and holds it there like a tea bag in a
cup of hot water.
44) The Hummer -- While sucking on your
rod, she emits a low humming noise. The vibrations from her throat make it all
too easy to bring her concert to a quick end.
45) Snow Balling -- Occurs when some
chick takes your load in her mouth and has the audacity come up and kiss you
while it's still in there.
46) The Camel Clutch -- When she's lying
on her stomach with you giving it to her from behind and you decide to emulate
the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her underneath the chin and
pulling straight back with both hands.
47) The Rumpledforeskin
-- When some girl makes you stop fucking her because she somehow realizes that
you don't remember her name, causing you to go limp (like the fairy tale).
48) The Skull Fuck -- The act of
removing a female's eye (unless you really luck out and find someone who's
already lost one) and fucking the gaping whole left in its place. SICK!
49) One in the Fridge, One in the Freezer
-- Another one that requires a partner, this simply refers to you and a buddy
putting one in her pussy and another in her butt, and simultaneously trying to
reach her uterus and large intestine.
50) The Repunzel
-- When no amount of suggestion, persuasion, or begging will get a girl to go
down on you and you're forced to resort to simply pulling her head down there
by the hair.
51) The
52) The Houdini -- Going at it
doggy-style until you are just about to cum, then pull out and spit on her back
so she thinks that you have. When she
turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and
amazed, wondering how you managed it.
53) Cum guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch --
The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a
girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your
favorite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and
forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
54) The Flaming Amazon -- This one's for
all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're
screwing some chick, right when you are about to come, pull out and quickly
grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then… extinguish the flames
with your jizz!
55) The Screwnicorn
-- When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at
her partner like a crazed unicorn.
56) The Zombie Mask -- while getting
head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want
her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you
blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary
state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the
room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
57) The Leaky Faucet -- Before you start
to fuck, drink as much water as you possibly can then wait a while and begin
the banging. Once you get your rhythm going, you may feel like you have to take
a bathroom break. No worries, let it fly and reap the rewards, it's like going
upstream. This girl will be leaking piss for a week....nice.
58) Pole Vault -- Originated by ancient
Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she
swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise
causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and
extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar.
59) Leif's Poophole
Loophole -- When you feel your morals kicking in, and feel that it wouldn’t be
right to fuck two of your sluts in the same day. So instead you fuck the first chick, and
stick it in the second one’s ass.
60) The Rusty Trombone –- When a woman
tosses your salad and has the courtesy to give you the reach around at the same
time, thus creating the appearance of a woman playing the trombone.
61) Screaming Seagull –- While having
sex on the beach (or in a sandbox if you're a pedophile), you pull your cock out
briefly to roll it around in the sand to collect a little "breading".
Reinsert, and put your hands over your ears, cause your sweet little seagull
may get kinda loud.
*And*
62) The Triple Crown -- Any three of the
above events performed upon the same female.
63) The Hat Trick -- Any three of the
above events performed over the course of a single evening.
64) The Technical Knockout (TKO) -- Any
three of the above events performed upon the same female over the course of a
single evening.
65) The Clean Sweep -- Any four of the
above events performed upon the same female.
66) The Grand Slam -- Any four of the
above events performed over the course of a single evening.
67) The Rape and Pillage -- Any four of the above events performed upon the same female over the course of a single evening.
68)
The
Tom & Mottie -- Any thirty seven or more of the
above events performed upon the same female over the course of a single
evening.
*to gain true tom&mottie status you must complete
all items on the above list